S6 EP13: Sabine's Story - How To Change Course!

Join me this week for a super fun and insightful conversation with Sabine Kvenberg, who embarked on the wild rollercoaster of becoming and actor at the age of 19! Her memoir, 'Gumption' takes us along for the ride!

According to Sabine, you don’t need to be wealthy, gifted, or well-connected to live an extraordinary life. You just need Gumption.

Sabine believes that we can all recover from the feeling of “not special enough.” This episode is raw, authentic, heartbreaking, and triumphant! Sabine shares how the power of faith, intuition, and courageous action can help anyone overcome fear, self-doubt, and limitation.

 Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/become-empowered/id1565571415

Website: www.SabineKvenberg.com

Resources: www.sabinekvenberg.com/resources 

Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/gumption-sabine-kvenberg/1148750776?ean=9781636989150

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Welcome to another episode of Well That Fucked Me Up. I am your host, Luke Colson, and today we're joined by Sabine Gvenberg. Hi, Sabine.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

Hi, Luke. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:42

I'm excellent. Thank you very much. We did have a bit of trouble with our Zoom, didn't we? But we got here in the end. And thank you for joining us on the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Oh, I I'm looking forward to our conversation. And you know what it is. You know what they say. If there's a problem, you solve it. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Solutions. Only solutions in life these days, right? Where are you? Where firstly, two questions. Where are you calling us from? And secondly, where are you originally from?

SPEAKER_03 2:07

I'm recording from sunny Florida, USA.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

And originally I'm from Rainy Hamburg, Germany. I hear the German.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

I hear the German in your voice. And I'm from London. Um, but I'm in I'm in, but I'm in Los Angeles. I'm in uh in LA, so we're not far from each other. Um I'm gonna be there next month. Well, hit me up. Let's have a coffee. Sounds great. Um, so every week we have a guest who comes on and we talk about surviving life-changing events and experiences. Really, that can be anything uh from you know a one-off situation to uh uh a lifelong situation to multiple things that have knocked us off course. Um, can be physical, emotional, can be work-related, relationship related, can be um diagnosis, can be health, can be it. It turns out most of us have been through quite a lot, and we're just having a forum here that people can come on and tell us all about the the trials and tribulations of their lives along the way, and we focus on the journey, the journey through, really, and where we are today. So, Sabine, with that, where would you like to begin?

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Well, I think it would be the most appropriate part to begin with my book that's coming out in August called Gumption.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Nothing like a good book plug at the beginning. So that's what what and tell us what's gumption? Now that's a memoir, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 3:36

It's a memoir, and basically I share the stories of trials and tribulations and what I've learned from it. Wow. So the tagline is Sacred Whispers, Bold Moves, and the Courage to Become. And talking about the journey and through life-changing situations, it started when I was very young, actually. That's where the first you we all have episodes and uh and steps, but I share that in my story that I basically just escaped um death or life. So I escaped the death because I'm still alive. Yeah, uh, that was a very um dominant story in my life that got me to the path where I am now, and I didn't know it back then. When you were nine years old, you really don't. Yeah, but that was the first thing that got me started. But you wanted to know the journey, right? Yeah, uh life changing, life changing. Oh boy. So the first life-changing event was I was 19 years old.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

What happened just before you you say that, what happened when you were nine that you were you were just talking about?

SPEAKER_03 4:59

Well, that was when I was moving to a new place in the city, and there was a playground and in Hamburg, Germany, like in in London in the summer, so evenings are long. So yeah, I was able to go out, and then there was uh it was closed, but I still had an hour to go before I had to go home. So I sat there, I you know, wandered in the park, and then um a nice older man sat next to me, and which I thought, hmm, that yeah, he struck up a conversation. And of course, you know, the parents always say, Don't go with strangers, you know, all those those uh, you know, child snatchers out there, yeah. And um, and I I didn't. So we had a conversation, and then that that nice man said, Did did do you see that man there at the end of that pathway? I said, Yes, he is a child snatcher. Oh my oh my gosh, and he said, Well, we better get away. Say, yeah, that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Oh my gosh, that's terrifying. It's like a horror movie.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

So so I said, Yeah, and then and I still remembered like it was yesterday. So he had a bicycle, and then we went around the park, and there was a hill that we always I always uh slept down in the wintertime. So we went around and we're at the back of the hill, and then he said, Well, let's take a shortcut, yes, let's take a shortcut. So so we went up that hill through the underbrush and everything, and about halfway through, um, he stopped, he kneeled down, and then he did this like that. Come here, girl. Yeah, oh, and then I mean, things happen to you in split seconds.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

In that moment, I heard those guardian angels, higher power. I mean, they just screaming at me.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Sabine, run, run, run. Yeah, and that's what I did.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Oh my gosh, he was tricking you. That's terrible.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

He was tricking me. Oh my god, and you know what the worst thing is? I felt it was my fault. I did not say, I was running, running, running. I was home, I was not saying a word to my parents. I was embarrassed, I thought it was all my fault, and that's when I started praying for the first time. Wow, I was never taught about this, but I made up my own prayer, and that that gave me comfort.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Wow. I'm glad I asked you, and I know you wanted to start a little later down the line, so um, I've just wasted three very precious minutes, but that was an amazing, and also you're I've seen on your website you're a you're a storyteller, and you can tell, you know, it's like it's gripping and riveting. So um let's move, let's move forwards a decade to the age of 19 before I rudely interrupted you.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

Yeah, no, uh, that was when I had a very another, not a very another, another very important part in my life. Uh I was started working when I was 16 years old. And I ended up, you know, I listened to the well-meant advice of my dad who said, Sabina, find a job with a good salary and benefits. Yeah. And sure. What do you know when you're 16? And when I was 19, I was working and I was so unhappy. Now, people who know me now know that I always had a kna for performing and being on stages. But I ended up sitting behind the desk and I was unhappy. And then I still remember it was like yesterday, I looked out of the window and thinking to myself, oh my gosh, I cannot do this for the next 40 years. Oh, what should I do? What should I do? And there is a saying says, Ask and you shall receive. And I truly believe that all the time, all the time. And I still do this to this day. Just a few days later, I came down from the subway to my home and I saw a familiar face. My former drama and music teacher, Mr. Herbst. And so we had a little chit-chat, and he asked me if I was still active with my singing group, with my acting. And the answer was no. No, and then he said one thing that changed my life. You may expect, oh Sabina, you should do this and this and this and blah blah blah. But no, nothing, just one sentence. You want to hear it? Yeah, I'm ready. What a shame, Sabina. You are so talented. Ah, yeah, that was it. Yeah, it was nothing, oh, like world shaking, but you know what it is. Another person believed in you.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Yeah, that's amazing to hear, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 10:30

And she was always my role model, yeah. And I thought he's right. And that's when I went home, opened up the yellow pages. I know it dates me for the younger.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

I know what the yellow pages are, yeah. It's that's a very European thing as well. I what I guess it was called the same thing in the US, but that's all the phone numbers and addresses of everyone in existence, basically.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

Exactly, exactly. And so, yeah, that's when I started changing careers, and I had no idea. Nobody in my family ever acted or no, nothing. Yeah, and I had even no idea how to start. I thought you had to be discovered or something, which is the truth.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

And it's a treacherous road, acting. It's certainly not a nine to five job, is it? I mean, talk about job security. I'm not too sure there's any any type of job security involved in starting out acting.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

No, the matter of the fact is, everybody in my family and friends said, Sabina, don't do this. Yeah, you will never make money. Yeah, uh, this is a breathless profession and and whatnot. And you see, I said, Look, I don't care. I I don't care about the money. I want to do something that is fun, and you still can make money off it. Yes, yeah, you know the funny thing is, after working for two years as a stage actress, I landed a role on TV. And we filmed for six weeks over the summer. And during that time, I made more money than I did the entire year working as a claim adjuster.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

Of course, of course. That's incredible. Wow, and that probably gave you hope for future acting endeavors that you can make.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

Oh, yeah, and I did. Yeah, I made good money, and I played uh wonderful roles. I I loved it. I loved it.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

My father was an actor, he was on the stage and he did quite well. He was in uh all of the Andrew Lloyd Weber musicals, and he was in Aspects of Love on Broadway, and he was nominated for a Tony Award.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

Oh, fantastic! Wow, that's amazing. You know, um, I always wanted to do cats, yeah. You know, as a performer, you always list what's your main so uh mine was actor, singer, dancer. Dancer was the last because I started dancing when I was 19 years old. But, anyways, I always wanted to do this, so I started taking dance classes when I was 19. Yeah, wow and I was it a ballet class with the little ones, but you know, I'm just this type of person. I wanted to learn everything I need to to get your skills under on your um, you know, up updated or whatever you you want to say. So and I auditioned for the first time in Vienna, Austria, when cats came for the first time to Germany, yeah. Um, and I didn't make it, I was cut, which is okay. Yeah, right. But years later, I um went back to Vienna, Austria for an audition. This time it was for Le Miserab, the first production of Le Miserab. Yeah, so I always played the young Ingenou and whatnot. This time I wanted to play that character role, Madame Thénarier, right? Who is that that mean but also funny character. And so, but here is what I've learned. You talked about how hard it is to succeed in this industry, and yes, it is. You have to be the type, you know, there's certain things, but the other thing is it do you have to have that gumption to go for it, and that's what I teach today. I call it the or what I speak about, the invisible stage, the moments no one sees to lead the moments everyone remembers. So I was playing in Hamburg, Germany at that time in um a little musical called You're a Good Man Charlie Brown. I was playing the part of Lucy. A lot of fun. So Mondays are as you know, Mondays are dark in the theater. Sunday night, I caught the night train to Vienna, Austria. But before I did that, I picked a song that I knew was right. I had it transposed, just one key so I could belt it out when it's counted. So I had it written down, I recorded it. Oh, not I some the one who transposed it. So I had a tape recorder talking about old times, right? Yeah, I took this with me because I know it's a very challenging song from Into the Woods, Stay With Me, right? Yeah, stay with me, and so I I went and it was my time to get on stage. So I got on stage with my tape recorder, with my transposed music, and there was the pianist I said, um, this is the music. I also, if you don't want, I also brought a recording. You can use the recording. I know it was so challenging, right? Yeah, so I did the recording, I started out and I belted it out, and then I heard, wouldn't you mind go upstairs with a music director and work on a piece? Oh that never usually happens. Yeah, sure. Wow, so we went upstairs, then I um she uh taught me that song from Madame Tenadier, which is like you learned this like all over the place, anyways. At one point she said, I don't think you're gonna get it. And I said, Yes, I will. Let's try it one more time. I know I can get it. One more time, one more time. She said, Okay, okay, we did it. So went downstairs, I did it and say, Thank you. Three days later, I got the phone call. No way, and I got the part. Wow, and that is that is the the preparation, yeah. That weeks of preparation that on my invisible stage made the five minute worth.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Yeah, right. It's it's it's important to hear that, isn't it? Because we get disheartened quite easily. Like when you were with the kip the music person up when you went upstairs, and she was like, I don't know, I don't know if you're gonna get this. That for me would have been I would have been crippled. I would have been like, and I can't, you're right. I'm what am I doing here? And so it's about self-belief, and also you mentioned in the title of your book, it's about courage, and like it's hard sometimes to muster the courage or understand that we have got this in us, and a lot of us have also experienced failure, right? And failure sucks. And if you have a failure after a failure after a failure, which by the way, if you're an actor or an actress, you probably know a fair bit about, it's picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and going again. But that takes a hell of a lot of resilience, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_03 17:25

It does, and as I say in my book Gumpchen, Gumpchen is more than resilience. Gumpchen is that time that you move forward um when everything inside you screams to stop, yeah, but to do it anyways, yeah, right. Uh that for me, and this is what I've done. Does it suck? Yeah, of course, as you mentioned, right? It does, it's not fun. And I had my uh fair share down the road of those situations quite a bit. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

And so tell us, I mean, we've just got 10 minutes uh to to go, and I just tell us how your acting career went and any other kind of twists and turns and ups and downs and pitfalls along the way, and and then bring us up until now. And what's what where do you got this notion to write a book? I'm always quite in awe of people that write books. I don't I don't know. I don't know how I would go about doing such a thing. My mum's writing her memoirs now, and she's going year by year. She has she's lived an extraordinary life. So give us a little bit of a a ride along those years.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

We only have 10 minutes left. Let me see if I can get it all. Yeah, summarize. Summarize your life in 10 minutes.

unknown 18:38

Go.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

All right. So the first part was um after I I stopped my acting career because of course love comes in the way, and then I started to become I became a director directing shows and and different vacation spots. But that got uh boards very were old very quickly. Yeah, and my husband is American, so there was always the question, where do we go, right? Where do we want to start a family? And I wasn't quite ready to leave, but then um a very another sad thing in my life happened. Um, that was my mother, who I was very close with, she she passed away, and I was devastated. And and I just wanted to escape. And I said to my husband, okay, let's go, let's move. So we moved to the state uh in in Virginia where we we wanted to start our own school. So we we started a performing arts school. Amazing. I had no idea how to start a business, right? But I had gauge, yes, and everything that uh came along with that. But when you have that passion, we wanted to uh pass the love for the performing arts to a new generation, everything fall in place, and that led me also to like hey, um, I was always very street smart, and I knew after four years I don't want to pay rent anymore, so I wanted to build my own studio, and and however, we got it done, we got it done. Yeah, I only have 10 minutes, so um, so maybe you have to invite me another time.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Yeah, we can have a part two if you're feeling too rushed. That's fine. We can have a part two, no problem.

SPEAKER_03 20:29

It might be, but I want to tell you, as a business owner, as an entrepreneur, you have a lot of setbacks, and I certainly had in in my business. And uh the first one was um, I wanted to you know move on to something different after 15 years. Wanted to sell my studio and we wanted to travel. And I got everything prepared, and there was a teacher who wanted to take over the everything, literally. I mean, we had the building, so there would be rent income, right? But that was our plan. But you know how plans sometimes work, right? Yeah, um, so literally we did everything wrong in the world, we didn't do it in writing, it's a handshake, and you know, and long story short, again, we only have 10 minutes. Uh, it fell through, and then the financial crisis hit. Another long story short. Oh, maybe we have to do a uh uh a part two here. Yeah, but the worst thing that happened, I don't know if it was the worst thing, but definitely the most devastating and where you feel as a failure was when we had to go to bankruptcy through bankruptcy.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Yeah, that's I mean, I have had guests on, and that their entire episode has been that. And we are all so driven, right, by the stereotype of how we should be, we should have money in the bank, we should have savings. This is how to run a business, and then you're in profit, and then it's it I don't think there's one single human being I know in my circle that has got that covered correctly. I know plenty of people that lost everything. I know plenty of people that lost everything for terrible reasons through through drug addiction or through alcoholism. I know people that made made a bad investment, made a bad business deal, gambling. Oh yeah. So it's all sort of the the stereotype of that I declare bankruptcy is you we we've we are it's designed to make us feel like failures. And when you go out on a limb and start a business and like you did, and then watch that not only fall fall apart, but then have to declare bankruptcy, that must have been really hard.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

Yeah, it was in the middle, we just expanded to a second location, uh, and that was just I mean, literally just before um the financial crisis and everything collapsed.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 23:27

And so uh, I mean, we you know, you invest. And as an entrepreneur, you invest like a million dollars for that, right? Of course, not I didn't have it in the bank, but through loans and whatnot, then all of a sudden it's it's it's just like half or less than half. There's no a win-win situation. But here's but here's the thing, and that's again, and and I go in detail uh about that in my book as well. Yeah it's about how you get through there and what you learn from it, yes. How you pick yourself back up when you do something once you can rebuild it like this, yes. And one one famous TV doctor said, Oh, once you go through bankruptcy, it will uh shape seven years of your life. And I said, not mine, I do not buy that. Yes, and you know what the funny thing that happens? Yes, we had to give up our lay clouse, you know. We and I still remember that that that evening, it was shortly before Christmas. Um, we cleaned everything out. And as a German, okay, the bank told you, okay, we give you$2,000 if you leave your house clean and everything. I would have done it without the$2,000. That's just 2 IM, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

So the last day that the heat went out. It was in the middle of the winter, it was freezing cold outside, and we only had a blow-up mattress on the floor.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Oh my goodness gracious.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Our two dogs were cuddling close to us on the mattress and was never more happier about that.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

The next day, that's when we gave over the keys. But here's the one thing I want to leave everybody with. Is yeah, what we did then, we didn't give up, we wanted to travel, so we did this anyways. And then I ended up in Florida to do a 5k run visiting friends, right? And I looked up and I said, Wow, wouldn't it be nice to live here? Two weeks later, we moved.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

You made the you made the whole thing work for you, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:45

And you know, the funny thing is that year was one of the best years of our lives. We had the least in the bank account, but the most freedom. We had our our tent set up on the beach. I conducted my business from the beach, wow, and we lived just such a happy life. Time stood still for one year, and we truly enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

That is so liber like hearing you talk, it's so liberating. I mean, I have you know a couple of side businesses, I have my day job, I have this podcast. It's a lot, and juggling finances and bills, and my kids, and and um you know, there's something to be said about just like cutting the the cable. And I'm not not not planning on it purposefully going bankrupt, but you you you make it sound like it's like it's almost like turn the turn the excuse my language, turn the fucking engines off. Let's just let's just drift and let's just stop with this never-ending uphill climb of trying to make things work. Let's have a factory reset, right? Yes, you had a factory reset.

SPEAKER_03 26:58

Sometimes the universe gives it to you. Yeah, that is the funny thing, you know. And one thing is ask and you shall receive, right? I was already in that situation. It's like I don't know if I want to stay here in Fredericksburg. It it starts to get too small for me. I'm always I'm always about expansion. Yeah, um, it's getting too small for me. Uh what's the next step? What's the next step? And the universe answered, and sometimes in a way that you may not want it to. Yeah, right. But if this didn't happen, I may would still be there, yeah, and nothing else would happen. And and so yeah, and that's how I started the whole journey be becoming an author, yeah, writing my first book. This is not my first book. Yeah, the first book was you know, secrets on how to succeed on showbiz. Oh, there we go. Yeah, with with uh my my performers and actors and and stuff like that. So um, yeah, that's that's basically what it is.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

I I guess we do have to do a uh part what 100% because I would like to do a part two where we kind of really take things from from that moment you came to Florida and then kind of re reboot it, right? I keep using strange um technology metaphors, but you know, factory resets and reboots. Because I think it's about it's about making this is this doesn't sound right, making f the failures work for you, but some people are fine with that. They're like, I didn't get the job for a reason, or this happened to me for a reason. And then you look back, now I burnt my life to the ground eight years ago through alcoholism and drug addiction and lost everything. And that's really why this where this podcast came from, right? I got divorced during that time, I lost custody of my children during that time. And when I look back on that, I don't recognize that human being. I don't know what got into me. I was possessed, I was depressed, I was traumatized, I done plenty of work on myself to figure out the whys and the hows. Seven years sober now, ex-wife back in my life, children here 50% of the time, living a wonderful life as a new human being who understands what it's like to be alive, right? At the time, if you'd have told me that all of that shit that I went through happened for a reason, I would have told you that I wanted to die. And I didn't believe you. But I understand what wholeheartedly that that needed to happen if I was to get my life back on track. And here we are, and with that we have to end. But Sabine, let me um let tell our listeners that there will be a link to your book and any website and any social so we can find you and um give us an update uh as and when, and let's book you on for part two so we can dive into some more details about your extremely wonderful life. And thank you so much for coming and sharing such a wonderful time with us.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Yes, and thank you so much, Luke. And I have to get you on my podcast, Become Empowered, because you have a story that I would like to hear as well.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

I sure do. Amazing, Sabine. Thank you. Let's let's do part two. Uh uh listeners, listen out for part two. We'll be we'll be back soon. Thanks again, Sabine.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

Thank you.